With life's every first, we experience varying and often mixed emotions.  Excitement and exhilaration on a first date.  Sorrow for first deaths in the family.  Fear and nervousness on the first day of school. 

     In all my firsts in life, in all the years that I've been going to and undergoing all sorts of interviews, never had I felt anything akin to the utter terror I felt yesterday.  They say there's always a first time for everything.  And I hearily attest to that. 

     I started out my day unusually early.  4 am showers hasn't been part of my routine for the better part of 5 years.  My colleague came by my place so we could head over to the embassy together.  The rainshower added to the slightly dismal mood I had.  When we got there, tons of people were already in line.

     We got in with almost no hitch (except for the part where my colleague's 156 papers was questioned because the bar code wasn't a perfect print.  We passed through x-ray inspection, again almost without a hitch (I was questioned about having a mobile phone inside my bag);  later did I realize it must've been the car keys that had set off the alarm.  We went through the next round of lining up to submit our papers and passport. 

     And as if I wasn't nervous enough, my 156 was then questioned because of the barcode.  With a sigh of relief, the girl let me through.  So we sat there waiting for our numbers to be called, still wondering what sort of privilege our PIP # actually gave us.  Given the graphic description another colleague of mine had given me the day before when she was at the embassy for her interview, there should've been a stall selling food.  With stomach growlings, we watched in longing as the stall opened just as our numbers were called.  The siopao just weren't for us.

   And so with heavy hearts, we headed over to another area for fingerprinting.  When it was my turn, I stated my complete name and birthdate and placed my left index finger on the fingerprint screen.  The woman asked me to press harder and when I did, she said "please don't press to hard."; so I eased my finger off and she goes "please press harder". 

     Finally with the fingerprinting incident behind me, I headed of to yet another waiting room.   The terror room.  It was a few minutes past 8 AM when the consuls started opening their windows.  The first to open was window 9.  The first visitor was a set of grandparents and their grandchildren, intending to visit the parents of the kids in the US.  Visa denied.  The next person was a taxi driver applying for a tourist visa.  Visa denied.  The next was a girl applying for a B1/B2 visa.  Visa denied.  And the list goes on. 

     By the time my colleague was called over to window 5, I was in such utter terror I could've pissed my pants then and there.  Anticlimactic as it is, we all got our visas without a hitch and in less than 15 minutes.  Yellow.

     It's amazing how one single piece of colored paper can change everything.  So we left the embassy in jubilation and in search of food. 

   I make it a habit not to dwell too much on the negative side of people; because if I do, I know I'll end resenting them and that would be the end of an otherwise smooth relationship with them. 

   But sometimes I just can't help it.  For 4 weeks, I've ignored the little things about this person that bothers me.  How this person keeps on picking on and criticizing other people (obviously this person's not a great believer of "Take the log out of your own eyes first before you comment on the logs in other people's eyes");  this person notices every little thing about each person they meet, see or talk to (I sometimes console myself that he/she's just damn observant - but noticing how loud one pees in the toilet is a bit too much don't you think???)

It's hard to believe that someone could actually live with this type of person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  But obviously somebody can since this person's married and even has kids!  Gad. 

I don't wanna get started but heck this person really pushed my button today.  I could rationalize that this person was feeling under the weather the past few days or that this person was just apprehensive about our upcoming visa interview but really I can't.  It's too much.  I'm not feeling tiptop myself and I am worried about that interview but not enough to go around irritating people about this and that.

I've stopped talking to this person in the hopes that he/she will get the drift and leave me alone...at least for today.  So help me God, if he/she doesn't, I'll probably snap their neck in two.  That's how hormonal I'm feeling today. 

I just want to get over this mood I'm in right now because I know it won't help...I'll be spending 24/7 with this person for the next two months in a foreign country.  So get over this I will.

My new mantra is: "Patience is virtue."

It's hard to understand people's fascination with all things branded.  And when I say branded, I mean high-fashion brands like LV, Prada and the likes.  No offense to people who are actually patronizing these products.   

For years now, I've always wondered what was so gratifying about wearing a ridiculously expensive piece of clothing or pair of shoes or a bag, with all those monograms.  I mean, to my way of thinking...these people should be paying the consumers for actually buying their stuff.  It's like the designers are having their cake and eating it too.  Tons of cash from sales and free advertising.

But my gripe isn't with the designers and makers of these ridiculously expensive items, it's actually with the consumers.  People who use the "fake" versions or as I've discovered, class A or whatever "Class" it is they call the stuff that's almost like the real thing. 

It's funny and somewhat pathetic really.  How rational people end up going loco over a piece that's not even genuine.  I know someone who was actually disappointed to find out that it wasn't advisable to use Class A LV luggages when traveling to the US because she might end up being denied entry for using replicas.  And she grumbles about how she might as well buy ordinary luggages from UCB (though original)...and I got to wondering.  What was wrong with that?  Does using stuff that is less expensive demeaning?  Is using stuff with no brand at all revolting?

Has consumerism really consumed our humanity that we can't even appreciate beauty and art without attaching a price tag to it? 

After 1 year, 11 months and 5 days...I finally went back to the corporate world.  It felt a bit weird but not unfamiliar.  It was weird to wake up knowing I can't loiter over my morning tea while watching the morning news.  It was weird having to dress up and joining the throng of people on their way to work.  But at the same time it felt good.

My first day of work was actually just like any typical first day.  I sat there the entire day, growing colder by the minute and boredom multiplying by the hundreds.  I've read the employee manual from cover to cover for more than 15 times the entire day.  One thing that set it apart from the first day I had with my previous job is that there were other newcomers like me.  So at least I didn't feel totally out of place and alone. 

There were about 8 of us newbies but only 3 of us were assigned to the same department.  The ironic thing was out of the 8, 5 of us were female and except for me, the others were all married and have just had a baby.  It was great that the other two were sociable enough to draw me out of my stupor from being too much of an introvert. 

I hope tomorrow will be better.  I'll still be working a regular 9 to 6 but maybe, I'll have my workstation up and running by then.

Changes are inevitable.  Change is what makes life interesting.  And yet, as much as I look forward to the changes I foresee in my life this year, I find myself abhorring one particular change.

One of my best friends is moving away. 

To another city. 

Although it's about 400 miles off from Manila and ironically, nearer to my hometown...it's still too far away for comfort.

I have known my pal for about 7 years and during this time, we've gone from neighbors and passing acquaintances to dating friends to best pals. 

When he told me last month that he'd been transferred for work, I was initially surprised.  Then, happy for him.  Then, immeasurably depressed. 

I miss him and he hasn't even left yet.

It's silly to feel that way really, considering for the past year or two we haven't really spent that much time together.  Between him changing jobs and my starting my own business, we've sort of lost touch. 

The move will do him good I know it.  All our friends are teasing him that he'll probably end up settling there.  Each time they say this, he kept looking at me.  Maybe he wanted to see how I'd react to that comment.  I don't know.  It could happen and it might happen.  The thought of it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  Am I jealous at the idea?  Maybe I am.

I could never really figure out why we never ended up being together.  Oh yeah, he's not considered "appropriate" because he isn't Chinese.  But apart from that faulty reasoning, I draw up complete blank.

So as I was saying, the move'll do him good.  It'll give him a chance to polish his Cebuano as he'd always wanted to and see the Visayas.  It'll give him a chance to make new friends and grow.  He'll be a better person for it.  Besides he'll be back every other couple of months so it'll be like he never left.

But it still changes everything. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'lll miss you.  Thanks for all the trips, dinners, movies, and happy times.  Thanks for being there whenever I needed you...problems, heartbreaks and most importantly, thanks for putting up with me during my silly days (like spending the entire day in line just to get my book signed by my favorite author) and for keeping me company during those long hours in the doctor's waiting room.  You've been the best friend a girl could ever want and have.

     I knew I should've stayed in bed this morning.  Waking up with a slight stiff neck should've been some sort of indication how the day was going to go.  But instead of heeding my inner voice, I busied myself to having my usual for breakfast and deciding on what to wear for my meeting.  Oh yeah, this should've been another sign from the heavens...having nothing decent to wear. 

     Anyway, I leave an hour early for my meeting and head off to the bus stop.  I managed to catch a good seat on the bus but like the way my luck has been going, I ended up being squeezed in by this 'heavy' lady who had the bad manners to pick on her feet. ewhhh.  I swear if I knew where that lady was working I would've reported her to her boss for lewd behavior in public. 

    It was drizzling by then.  I got off the bus just in time for the rain to pour down really hard on me.  I was drenched.  Dammit.  I should've worn my boots instead of stilettos.  Double damn.

     I swear I was ready to go home right then and there when lo, I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen for some time.  What's even funnier is that this was the same friend who I texted asking for directions.  How's that for coincidence?

     After walking two blocks in the pouring rain, given that there was no cab around (Figures.  There never is any when you need one), I finally reached the office.  I was 15 minutes late.  While I was at the reception area, I was surprised when this woman approaches me and says: "Hey, are you so-and-so?"  and I was like really cautious with my "Yes, why?" 

     "Oh your cousin is this-and that's right?"  Again my stupendously intelligent nod.  Still had no idea what she was talking about!

     "We went to college together."  Ah, so there it was.  A schoolmate. She starts talking. 

     "You're Sillimanian too right?"  Again my nod. 

     "And you're blah-blah's daughter right?"  By this time, my nod was ready to be patented.  I was really eloquent.

     "How'd you know my father?" I finally managed to get a word in. 

     "Oh, I'm blah's daughter."  Now I get it.  She's my dad's former attorney's daughter.  Still doesn't explain how she knew me.  But we ended up chatting for a while before promising to keep in touch and then we go our separate ways.

     So to recap my day, I've got a stiff neck, aching back and feet and a new friend. 

Beauty Salons and Barbershops Unite!  With the oil spill problem in Guimaras, I think these establishments that can easily accumulate huge amounts of human hair can help out in this environmental crisis we're facing.

Swimming with Whale Sharks.   One of the best experiences I've had in this lifetime (apart from trekking a dormant volcano).  These are absolutely beautiful creatures and if you're lucky enough to spot them, swim with them and even touch them, you'll know why. 

Weddings. Two of my cousins got married this year.  And for someone who hates weddings and dressing up, I found myself getting teary-eyed during the reception.  Will wonders never cease?

Cutting my losses and moving on.  After much ado, I think I'm starting to learn to roll with the punches; to cut my losses and move on...personally and professionally speaking.  I'd like to think I will learn from my mistakes and never repeat them.  But knowing what a glutton for punishment I am, probably not.

Getting older and wiser.  You can never trust a person who says "Trust me" and you never should.

Envy and a wake-up call.  As I got older, I started to feel like life was passing me by.  I'm now 29, one year shy before I'm booted out of the 20's window and yet I've done nothing of significance.  And then I look at people I know who seem happy with their careers, with their personal lives and I wonder what it is that they have or are doing that makes them the way they are and why can't I be more like them?  BAM!  Suddenly I realized I was being utterly stupid.  I was luckier than most of them.  I have everything and everyone I could ever want in my life; I've just been too blind and too happy sitting on my pity pot to appreciate and enjoy them.  Life wasn't passing me by;  I was letting life pass me by.

Hong Kong.  It amazes me how Hong Kong women are so energetic and slim. Is it from all those bottled tea drinks they guzzle up by the bucket?  or is it the tons of noodles they fork into their mouths?  I wonder.  Spending time there, just soaking the sights and sounds after all these years, has made me realize that it must be their genes. 

Still on Hong Kong.  The most tsk-tsk thing I've observed though is that their food comes in one serving only. JUMBO.  And what's annoying is that they're so wasteful!  When I was having lunch at this diner a week ago, I sat next to a table with so many leftovers that for a while there I thought the owner of the food just stood up to get something.  It was practically untouched!  And then this old man passes by and sees the food.  He mutters while rubbing his tummy about how wasteful people are when others are going hungry.  It's a sad picture.

Why I will never survive living in Hong Kong.  Food is expensive; Almost all their meals have noodles (ugh);  most importantly, books there are three times the price in the Philippines!  It's like they're discouraging the people there to be literate. But I did find tons of great finds there.  Books that would most likely not be sold in my home country.  (e.g.  101 things to do before you're old and boring)

Pets.  My sister got a new kitten some weeks ago.  Pure white with startling blue eyes.  We call him Timothy or Timtim for short.  So that makes 3 dogs and 5 cats in all.

Gardening.  Taking a sabbatical from the drudgery of working life has made me realize how much I missed gardening.  Actually, the day I left home for the big city was the day I left gardening behind.  It's kinda difficult to grow something in a tiny apartment that barely provided enough oxygen for one person to breathe much less plants.  So while I was home on vacation, I planted ginger, tomatoes, chives and peanuts.  So far they're all still growing beautifully.  The peanuts should be up for harvesting by September if the chickens don't get to them first.  So here I am now, giving a pathetic but wholehearted attempt to plant something at my new place.  Luckily this time there's enough ventilation for that.

Dan Brown vs Steve Berry.  For readers out there, you've probably heard of these authors by now.  It appals me how some could compare Dan Brown (author of The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons) to Steve Berry (author of The Romanov Prophecy and The Third Secret).  They're incomparable!  Steve Berry is by far, in my humble personal opinion, a superior storyteller.  His characterization is superb, his story is interesting and what's even better is that when you're reading his book, you don't feel like you've opened up an encyclopedia.  There's none of the formal, schoolbookish feel in it. 

Nicholas II and the Romanov Family.   One of the greatest mysteries of all times.  I've always loved the stories that abound this royal family, WWII and even stories on Lenin.  I'm no history buff but somehow this has caught my interest way back when I was a kid.  Personally I'd like to think that Alexei and Anastasia did escape the masaccre.  The ending of the book The Romanov Prophecy is a fitting one I would say.

A useful and irrelevant tidbit.  Did you know that dried flowers particularly dried eucalyptus makes a great house decor instead of real flowers?  Apart from not needing to change the water every other day, it repels mosquitos too.

and so it ends here.  I have to go out and follow my own advice.  what?  why, buy dried eucalyptus of course. 

It's almost two in the morning on Chinese New Year's Day and I'm still awake. 

My body's aching all over like a bitch.

I can't sleep because of too much caffeine. 

My mind's whirling over that 4-hour conversation I had with a friend over dim sum dinner in Chinatown. 

But despite that, I'm still hungry.

I've turned down, for the upteenth time, invites from friends to go out for drinks. (what the hell is wrong with me??)

My thoughts keep going back to him. Where is he now? What's he doing? When is he coming back? Why hasn't he called me?

...Stupid, stupid me.  When will I ever learn??

With a stroke of inspiration, I decided to rephrase a poem from one of my all-time favorite chick flicks.

10 Things I hate about You:

     My day started the same as always.  Woke up, did my chores and went to the shop.  After a couple of hours there checking on things, I decided to head to the mall to put a dent on my Christmas shopping list.

     It rained the entire day, same as it was yesterday and the day before.  The weather this week has been really dreary and the lack of exercise has been getting me down.  Money worries and depressing job hunts was no help.

     But you know what made today different?

     After several months of being a sort of nonbeliever, I went into the church for a short visit.  That intention went pfffttt...when it rained and the church suddenly got so packed I could hardly move.  So I decided to stay for the entire service.

     I'm glad I did.

     The sermon really hit home.  The priest talked about how adults, who supposedly had all the opportunities that kids don't have, are never happy and contented.  He talked about how happiness based on money was only conditional happiness and how everyone forgets about God when it comes to dealing with their troubles and worries.  It's actually standard sermons for the advent of Christmas.  But for someone who hasn't gone to church in months, it was more than that.  It was like words of hope...it reminded me how I've been relying so much on myself for everything that I've forgotten there was Someone up there who'd be there for me.  I've been so arrogant as to think that I can actually take my life to the direction I want and succeed without ever asking for His approval.

     Then he said something that I think I'll try.  Do the 9 "simbang gabi" or midnight masses from December 16 to the 24th and on Christmas eve, go to confession and then when you make your 3 Christmas wishes, they'll come true.  

     So anyway after mass, I browsed through the bookstore for an hour then started shopping for tops for my mom.  I was in this store looking around when I bumped into this really cool guy.  I sorta checked him out and was pleasantly surprised that he was checking me out as well.   He was following his girlfriend around the store (obviously he had to have one), looking lost that I felt sorry for him.  I mean, I never subject my boyfriends to my shopping trips even when they volunteer to go with me.  That's harsher punishment than anything else I can think of.   Nothing came of that incident anyway but it made me feel good.  I've been feeling down in the dumps lately with the way I looked that it was nice to be reminded that I wasn't as horrible looking as I thought I was.

     On an even brighter side, I've got a final interview this Monday with a potential employer.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that their offer will be really good.  I'm getting kinda tired of having to turn down jobs with really pitiful offers especially since most of the companies I applied for are really huge ones   and the positions aren't exactly entry-level too.

     Anyway, Christmas is just about 2 weeks away...I just wanted to wish you guys a safe and happy holidays.  And don't forget to pray!

     yup. today was relatively a good day.  i spent the morning just chillin' out on my couch, cross-stitching and listening to some music.  had a great lunch while watching a CSI marathon on the tube.  met up with a couple of friends to check out a bookstore warehouse sale where i bought 3 great books for only 200 bucks!   And oh, on the way I got a free ride on the MRT...i dunno if it's usually like that on sundays (heck, if it was i'd save my riding the train on sundays   .  afterwards, we checked out this new shopping place called tiendesitas.  it's actually a big area subdivided into several sub-areas categorized according to what the shops were selling: food, clothes, plants, pets, furnishings, etc. 

     for 70 bucks, i had a full dinner.  although we did leave the food area smelling of smoke given that almost all the stalls there were selling all sorts of barbecued dishes.  yummy!

     so yeah, a free ride...cheap books...cheap dinner...what more could a girl ask for on a lazy sunday?

     Oh! and see this! this is what i would like to have for christmas.   I saw this cutie at the tiangge pet shop...   

      and here's our new baby...hershey, a black lab of about 2 months.

     so for my closing...i figured i'd do something different. i'm taking off my virtual pet here...it's time to let go. after all it's been over a year.